Reflection & Growth

This is happening. I’m reflecting. Reflecting on letting go and the growth that followed in 2016. I know, I’m really breaking the mold here =)

2016 was a year of huge changes for us. And for me that change included a lot of letting go.

We said goodbye to the only home our kids had ever know, the home where we spent countless nights rocking them to sleep, where they learned to crawl and walk and say their first words. The home where we built blanket forts, watched garbage every Friday, laughed, and made a million memories. The home where we hosted birthdays and baby showers and the home where our oldest was baptized. The home where our neighbors had become family and the Recology workers had become our friends. Looking back there were so many things I loved about that home but most of all it was all the joy that came from the memories we made in that home, not the home itself.

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We said hello to our new home, an old house that needs way too much fixing. Our new home came with the promise of a different future for our family. The promise of new memories, of room to run, and breathe, and really stretch out. A promise of big gardens, of outside gatherings, of chickens, and of mornings spent sipping tea on our porch. A promise of endless possibilities as we make it our home, the home we will continue to raise our boys in, the home that we’ll fill with love and laughter and a million more memories in the years to come.

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This year I learned to let go of relationships that no longer added to my life, some were as easy as clicking unfriend, and one in particular was extremely painful. From it I learned it’s ok to take care of me and do what I need to do, it doesn’t make me selfish or a bad person, sometimes, letting go is the best you can do.

And from that letting go other relationships became more genuine, I surrounded myself with positivity both in real life and online. I raised my standards for myself and I became determined to be a part of a community of good, a community where we can share our struggles but we focus on the positives, the triumphs.

This year I said goodbye to a man I had loved my whole life, a man who had always shown me unconditional love, silliness and treats, always treats =)

And through that massive and heart wrenching loss I got to witness the gift that is our family, to see how we come together in times of need and to witness the sacrifice and love that makes our family so beautiful. I got to meet new family and my kids got to witness loss and grief and see that sometimes it’s ok not to be ok, but to just BE.

This year when setbacks came I didn’t let them forge my path.

I let go of limiting beliefs and I allowed myself to dream. To not just say “what if” but to actually DO. If I wanted to be a firefighter I needed to take action, I couldn’t simply sit by and hope it would happen. So, with the support of my husband I went back to school, I got my EMT certification and took my national registry. I took driver and operator classes to learn how to drive the engines and work the pump panel. I went to the DMV and took the test to have my Firefighter Endorsement added to my license. And when a full time position became open, I didn’t let the “what ifs” hold me back, I applied. And I got IT!!!

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This year I let coaching slip to the back burner, not because I didn’t love it, I do, but because I let someone get in my head, I let their opinion of me outweigh my own, I let them plant a seed of doubt that spread like a weed and it took me months to fully recover.

But I learned from it, I dove into my personal development, I wrote in my gratitude journal, I reflected, I cried and then I pulled my boot straps up and I moved forward. I learned that self love is HUGE and that without it you’ll never truly be happy. I learned that opinions are just that, opinions, they stake no claim on who you are as a person. I learned that supporting people as they are allows them to blossom and trying to stifle them will only suffocate you both. I learned that some friendships have short seasons and some will last much longer. And I learned that it’s ok to be me, imperfectly perfect with no need to seek the approval of others, because my self worth can’t be found there.

So much of what I learned this year came as a painful lesson, change is never easy, that’s why we resist it, why we fight it tooth and nail, why we balk when others want to change, and it’s the reason so many of us stay stagnant. We’ve learned that it’s clean and safe to stay there in our comfort zones, we’ve allowed ourselves to believe that where we are is good enough, that we don’t need growth.

There can be so much beauty found in change and if you never venture to see it there will be moments you’ll miss, strengths you’ll never find, and opportunities you’ll never gift yourself. Be willing to change and to grow, to get comfortable being uncomfortable, and to make this the year of you! Your relationship with yourself lays the foundation for all of your other relationships, don’t neglect it, cultivate it.

Wishing you all the beauty, love, and joy this year can bring!

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All my Love,
Kelly

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